Unhappiness

Why am I so unhappy with my life?
It's very strange. I'm a girl in High School who has a 4.0 GPA, I'm physically fit, I get told that I'm pretty and "so nice" all of the time. I have a decent amount of friends that are very caring and funny that I hang out with in school. Yet, for some reason I almost always have this feeling of unhappiness. I always want to be alone, I find complete fault in anything I do slightly wrong, and I feel that I'm just... Well, I don't really know what I think I am. Lately, I never get the solos I audition for in choir even though I thought I did well, I get yelled at by peers and teachers for doing something wrong, I'm always paranoid that something's going to happen and that I'll be completely alone. Am I depressed or something? If I am, I can't seem to grasp why. Maybe I've made it obvious in this description, but I don't see it. So answer: Why am I so unhappy? And how can I fix it on my own? Note: Don't tell me to see a psychiatrist, please. I don't want my parents or family to find out about this, and I have no desire for professional help.

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christians, do you think god is enjoying the wrongful sexual repression and prudishness some of you have ,....?
actually pushed on people? what many christians are too ignorant and stupid to realize, including just about all women on this planet whether they're christians or not, is that sexual repression and prudishness are WRONG and that they only cause more harm than good. do you know why there are so problems and heated arguments in this world? and do you know why there's so much unhappiness and horrible crap that goes on in this world? it's because of the LACK of heterosexual foreplay and sex between men and women, and this is all thanks to the wrongful, irrational, and obsolete sexual teachings of christianity. the sexual teachings of christianity were not wrong, irrational, or obsolete back in BIBLICAL TIMES compared to now, because back then, when the bible was being written, it was in a different part of the world, and it was in a different time and culture. back when the bible was written, even if the "no sex unless you're married" rule was enforced, 1) marriages were PREANNAGED so they didn't have to worry about going their whole life without someone. 2) marriages happened in the TEENAGE years, so they were getting sex before they were even 20 years old. 3) even if divorces happened back then, they probably weren't as life-shattering or financially crippling as what some divorces might be to some people nowadays. i've read on yahooanswers that there have been extremely messed up, wrongful outcomes with divorces where it's messed up or even ruined lives. if marriage can be such a big risk where it could produce a life-shattering result for one of them or both of them if it ends in a divorce, then don't you think it would be better for you to make sure you and them are going to enjoy each other and that you and them will be sexually compatible with each other BEFORE you decide to marry them so that the chances of divorce are lower? numbers 1 and 2 above don't happen in this time and culture so that "no sex unless you're married" rule is now obsolete and impractical, and following it WITHOUT a prearranged marriage before you're 20 years old, WILL cause more harm than good. so if you think about it, people back in biblical times were probably LESS sexually repressed back then compared to some people nowadays. whether you're married or not, heterosexual foreplay and sex should be had by the early 20s and on up. if not by 20 or 21 and on up, then definitely by 22 and on up. do you REALLY want guys who remain sexually frustrated virgins in their THIRTIES if they never marry? are you really that stupid?? and some people NEVER marry. and for all you ignorant women, heterosexual foreplay and sex between men and women IS a need, in case you didn't know. did you know that guys would rather KILL THEMSELVES than knowingly go the rest of their lives without heterosexual foreplay and sex with women? women are supposed to want it and NEED it with guys just as much as vice versa. and in case any of you were thinking about being a smartas# by posting a comment by saying guys can just masturbate or resort to homosexuality, first of all, guys are lonely for and need sexual intimacy with OTHERS, and secondly, they are heterosexual, SO FIGURE IT OUT!!! heterosexual foreplay and sex between men and women IS a need, in case you didn't know. and if women are so compassionate and sympathetic like they like to claim that they are, then they WILL give sexually frustrated guys foreplay and sex with them immediately, frequently, and casually, and they will do it WITHOUT giving them a hard time in the process. not only is heterosexual foreplay and sex a need, but women are supposed to need it with guys just as much, immediately, frequently, urgently, intensely, and casually as vice versa. i'm right, and whether you want to admit it or not, you know i'm right.

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Feeling depressed and alone, help?
I'm just a kid, really - I know. But I also know that what I'm feeling isn't normal for a teenager, because it's all the time. I don't want to hang out with my friends and they don't seem to want to hang out with me, anyways. I can't connect to kids my age, and I don't know why, but maybe it's because I feel years older than I am, and I have an easier time relating to people older than me (late teens). I want to have friends and do things, but I just can't seem to fit in. Right now I live in a very small country town, which I hate so much. Only about a five hundred people live in it, most of which have lived here their whole lives. It seems very primitive, where only a small number of people have computers and the average age of pregnancy is 15-16. That's one reason I hate it here - people expect me to be a slut. I once heard a girl say, exact quotes, "It's better to be a teen mom than a thirty year old mom." My step-sister always talks about wanting to have a baby soon, and she's just 14, and she can't be convinced otherwise. All of the people in town are poor, have poor health, are unhappy, know almost nothing about the outside world... And they're content with unhappiness. I wouldn't care so much if they weren't just accepting it, when they could live much better lives. And I also wouldn't care at all if they didn't try to drag me down. In my class, I'm the "smartest". The teachers adore me, I get straight A's, and I often help the other students (and even the teachers) with anything they don't understand. I don't feel challenged enough, however, and I feel like I'm somehow slipping. Like I can't do as much as I once could, because I'm used to having easy work. I don't want to settle down and have some kids before I even turn legal, I want to go and be the best at something. Honestly, I don't want children, at any point in time. Apparently I'm wrong, apparently I'm strange, apparently it's horrible to want to be an independent, literate, thoughtful woman without a man to control her every action and "serve" by having children. I'm not exaggerating, this is what other people TOLD me. And I don't fit in because of other things. I wear black, my hair is dyed black, and those are the main things people comment on when they see me around here. So, because I wear black, I cut myself and want to kill myself? Because my hair is black, I'm mean and from a different species? Then, when I do open up, the other kids are appalled when I don't know every country song by heart. I mean, what kind of freak listens to Black Veil Brides? This freak does. Blood on the Dance Floor, that sounds creepy! They don't get that I want to have friends without changing myself. They won't accept me for who I am. And my mom doesn't get me, either. She wants me to go and hang out with the same kids that bully me, and I know she has her heart in the right place. But they run from me because I'm different and they say I'm a lesbian because I don't constantly have a boyfriend. Oh, another thing - they're homophobic as hell. If you're not the perfect image of a straight, slutty Christian (doesn't Christianity go against whoring around?) then they WILL eat you alive. My mom thinks there's something wrong with me, and she's even told me she thinks that sometimes. I don't feel she's very proud of me, even if she says she is. I work really hard to try to make her proud, but I'm never rewarded and all I get is a "Oh, good work. Now go do the dishes." I understand she's very busy and often tired, but it doesn't take much energy or time to sit a person down and let them know they're loved. I feel disconnected from my mom, especially since she's hardly home and she didn't even raise me. My late great-grandparents did, and for the early years of my life my mom was too busy going through school in order to be a nurse. I know she had to do that, and I don't really blame her, but I still wish things had been somehow different. Now that my great-grandparents are gone, the only family I have is my mom, my grandmother, and an uncle I rarely see. Of course, there's always my step-dad, but I have a lot of trouble being emotionally close to people that are supposed to be father figures. Growing up, I never had a father figure, or they were horribly biased towards their own children and wanted nothing to do with me. Don't get me wrong, I trust my step-dad a lot, and I'm glad my mom married him. He's probably the best choice for us. It's just one of those things I can't help. We're moving soon, to San Antonio, but the school I'll be attending is a conformist school and I'm worried I won't be able to connect to anyone there, either. If I'm a freak

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