Coping With Divorce
Copyright of matt_blass5@hotmail.com Here is your Tuesday STORY on: SELF DEVELOPMENT: Our mind works in a most peculiar way, and I don't think I need to remind you of that. We can smile at that very contemplation. But why do we allow it to do this? In WISDOM and PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY we cannot prevent our mind operating in these peculiar ways, but we can limit it by acknowledging its grip and preventing the turmoil that follows. You can be assured that our pattern of thought is determined by our state of mind. If we are ever in the mood of revenge, then you can be sure some bizarre thoughts and actions will follow. So bizarre in fact that another time you'll be embarrassed to tell the tale. Do you ever find yourself justifying your actions? Consider why you justify? You do it in the hope that your actions will be understood. Why? You hope within your explanation that your actions that now appear wrong can have some sort of good intention. The best explanation of your actions however, is that they were made in a high emotional state. The justification appears almost as if you are in a court of law. If you find you have to explain your decisions, the very implication is that they were not done from a sound and logical frame of mind. What is this telling us? That we ARE most definitely controlled by our emotional state of mind. Our good intentions, our sensible head, our intellectual deliberations all mean nothing during the throws of a high emotion. We need our feet firmly on the ground and we need to interrupt by SEEING what is happening, before we can expect any degree of sense to arise from the so called madness that takes over. Forgive me as I would need to describe this emotional control to an extreme to drive the point home. Today's story is about a man who looses sight of reality and finds he is making decisions during a period of depression. While ever he stays in this deep and dark emotional state he'll not SEE. WISDOM is not always about helping yourself. If you practice the skill on other people as did the child in this story, you'll find an understanding that will help direct your own life. DADDY DEAREST I laid there in bed, thinking. It had been three years since my dad was lively and happy. A terrible bout with depression was taking a toll on him, and thus our family, over that time span. Lucky for me, I went to college out of town. I came home on breaks, as well as weekends when I could, but I had my own life now. And every time I went home, I would build up walls and keep myself at a distance from all the problems in the family, because I didn't think I could take it. This particular summer, I had arranged for a job near school, so I could escape the emotions of returning to an unhappy home. As I laid there in my childhood bed, the night before returning to my apartment for the summer, I broke down in tears. How could I be so selfish? How could I leave my mom and dad all alone to deal with this? How could I pretend that I didn't need to bear some of the responsibility of helping out? The years of denial came out in my tears that night, and I knew I couldn't continue on pretending. I was going to help as much as I could, even if that was only a small baby-step. That next day, I told my dad over breakfast, firmly, that we were going to clean his room, and I was going to help him. My mom had been begging him for a year to clean his room, because it was in such disarray. The doctors said taking proactive steps like that would help him feel better about himself, and maybe chip away at what was wrong with him. But he never wanted to listen. Stubbornly, he never actually took those steps. Much to my surprise, he actually smiled, and said "Ok, " to my suggestion. That day we went through years of old trash and documents. Newspapers from 10 years ago, computer games from elementary school. We worked together the entire day. All he needed was a firm kick in the butt to get him moving, and then he was able to take charge, looking happier than I had seen in months. By the time the day was over, his room was sparkling. Now we could all go back there and watch television together, just like childhood. though that would unfortunately have to wait until my next visit home. More importantly, now my dad had done something to help himself, and was a little happier. And I had helped him. It was time to leave though. I had a great job lined up, and had already given up a good night's rest on the first day of work by helping my dad all afternoon. I really hugged my dad as I said goodbye, for the first time in years. And as I hugged my mom goodbye, she whispered "Thank you so much" in my ear. This is still a story in progress, so I can't report that everything is all better now. But my fingers are crossed because now there is a lot more hope, and hope is very powerful. (Matt Blass, 2002, all rights reserved) QUOTE: "No lions are ever caught in mousetraps. To catch lions you must think in terms of lions, not in terms of mice. Your mind is always creating traps of one kind or another, and what you catch depends on the thinking you do. It is your thinking that attracts to you what you receive.' (Thomas Dreier, Author)
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