Bipolar Types

Bipolar Type 1. Need help.?
I am Bipolar type 1, I am currently in a Mixed state. I was ok but today I seem to be spiraling downwards. I don't want to kill myself, but I am seriously considering self harm. I have a knife next to me right now ready to cut myself, which I haven't done in years. I have health insurance, but even with that the inpatient and outpatient at my local mental institution is expensive and we can't afford it. I went to the store and bought a sketchbook and some colored pencils hoping it would take my mind off everything, but it isn't working. We can not borrow money from anyone. We owe people money and have a fixed income, but just a little too high to qualify for state help (I am in Texas) Does anyone know of somewhere I can go for help, or maybe even some things I can do to make it through this? I have a 5 year old to care for as well. She is my world, I would never harm her. My husband can not take off work anymore to care for her or me. I have no one to watch her so basically I have to figure out a way to be a good parent and control this. I am currently on 7 medications for Bipolar Disorder and Panic disorder. I got denied disability because I don't have work history, and SSI because we make"too much". I am scared my husband's parents are going to try and take her away from us if I have to go into a hospital (if I can find one that will take me with no payment up front) Sorry this is so long. I just need some help

Get the answers...

What medication for bipolar type 2 do you take?
I have been on Lamotrigin and Seroquel. Seroquel worked but made me to tierd, and the lamotrigin (which im back on since today) makes me feel so so sooo nauseous. but they wanted to try it again anyway. But if it will not work ththis timeither, they want to put me on lithium. That kinda bothers me, because i have add to - and really dont feel that lithium is the right med for me. To much to remember and keep track on you know. Anyone in similar situation? Which one does work for you? how do you take your doses?

Get the answers...

I feel consumed with wanting revenge and want to know how to stop.?
I saw a therapist for 3 years trusting that she knew what she was doing. What bothers me the most is that she will not take responsibility for mistakes she made during my therapy. She even told me that she would not change a single thing about my therapy. I thought, "Even the time you told me that you wanted your client with Borderline to kill herself!? Why in the world did she vent to me about her client and not to her supervisor? She encouraged me to become dependent on her through our daily email conversations for 2 years. Also, she told me "You are like the daughter I never had.? She even admitted to having a lot of counter transference with me but said it was a good thing. I ended up being in more of the counselor role often and helped her out with her problems. She self-disclosed so much that I could easily write a book about her. I feel so used! I told her I thought I had Bipolar, which she was adamant that I did not have. I thought she had looked in the DSM. It turns out that she does not believe in disorders, so she had just given me her opinion. I was on an incorrect medication for a year that caused me to feel very suicidal, because I thought (against my better judgment) that I did not have bipolar. She knew I was suicidal, but disclosed and talked a lot about her niece's recent suicide attempt. Those discussions triggered me to overdose also. That is when it finally came out that she never bothered to look in the DSM for me, and I clearly have Bipolar type II. I was struggling financially, but she kept telling me that I was nickeling and diming my money. Therefore, I ended up with a lot of debt, because I was very depressed and she told me it was ok. She told me through an email that she thought my mom was emotionally abusive. That is something a person should not read alone. It tore a hole through my heart, because I had never thought of my mom as abusive. I had not even brought it up to her. She pushed her religious beliefs and values on to me, because she did not like my religion. She had political stuff all over her office, which felt offensive and rude. She laughed about breaking her fingers when she punched her husband in the chest. She told me that she is a size 2, while I was talking about how I do not like what I look like. I had an eating disorder as a teenager, so knowing what her size was seemed very inappropriate. I went from a size 6 to a size 2 in 6 months, because I felt so fat around her. I could go on and on with all the mistakes she made. I paid her thousands of dollars. She blames me completely for not getting better under her therapy. I finally switched to a terrific therapist who helped me a lot, but I still feel so much pain and hurt from this therapist. I am a nice person who does not like to hurt others. Nevertheless, I keep going online looking for revenge ideas. I am too scared to try any of them anyway. I just want to feel better. How do I stop obsessing with revenge? How do I forgive her? How do I accept that she thinks that she is an amazing therapist when that couldn?t be farther from the truth?

Get the answers...